


You are Part of a Machine (You are Not a Human Being)

by garilin



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Existential Angst, How Do I Tag, Insomnia, M/M, My First AO3 Post, No Dialogue, Post-Episode: s01e20 Innocents of Ryloth, Short One Shot, What am I doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 20:18:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6624760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garilin/pseuds/garilin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thoughts that pester Boil when sleep won't come.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You are Part of a Machine (You are Not a Human Being)

Boil laid on the lumpy, too-small mattress surrounded by nine of his brothers—four of which were snoring—and was both unsurprised and unperturbed when sleep eluded him yet again. At this rate he would have meaningful bruises under his eyes, an apparent sign of weakness he wanted neither ally nor enemy to pick up on. 

Waxer had talked at him before about asking the medic for something to help him get some rest, but Boil didn't want to give the impression of needing to rely on pills in order to function properly. Self-sufficiency was a clone's greatest attribute, one Boil invested into greatly. It is what made a clone army superior to one composed of droids. The metal soldiers had easily-altered programming that, while fallible, was far more trustworthy than clone minds. Flesh soldiers, meanwhile, were more flexible of mind and body, making it possible for them to adjust and make snap judgments of their own that could save the battle, the squad if they were lucky. Mostly they thought for themselves, and they fought hard. A clanker's body may be more impervious to damage and it may fix itself, but clones could heal from almost anything with a cost less than that of replacing a robot's missing or irreparably damaged limb. 

Boil wondered about the other differences between clones and droids, though. He'd listened in on their conversations and they were all so individualized despite the glaring similarities. Fair enough, each clone was fundamentally the same person but with minute changes in what little life experience they had creating distinctive characters. It didn't make either of them less replaceable. 

Well, that is except Commander Cody, and even then only to an extent. He is more valuable than other clones, as his rank shows. However, though his relationship with General Kenobi is friendly, no one has any doubts that the jedi would be able to carry on without the commander should he not last 'til its conclusion. He would be moderately inconvenienced until the replacement gets a hang of the job, but that will be it. 

He and Waxer were the last of their original squad. The battle that killed the others got them into the Ghost Company, where they were immediately set to work, so there wasn't time to mourn. Boil was hardly expecting a funeral himself. He hoped Waxer would cry for him, though, just once, and that was yet another reason why Boil was an asshole. He was a coward, too, for wanting to be the first of them to die. He didn't know if he could handle it if his other half died and he was expected to carry along like nothing had happened.

Actually, that was a lie. He knew he wouldn't be able to. 

Waxer was...the kind of guy that had night terrors for killing droids, something he would be teased endlessly for if anyone but Boil knew. Boil made a few scathing comments about it, but didn't pull away when the other went in for a hug. He didn't say anything when the softie dreamed of the deaths of clones and civilians—he had those ones, too. 

His partner had one of Numa last night. Her body had been torn apart and devoured by those creatures, and then the same had happened to Boil. He had made a half-hearted comment about how Waxer would have definitely been the first to go in that scenario and ignored the exasperated glare it earned him. Boil didn't know how else to comfort the man except to deflect his fears with prickly statements. 

He didn't want to admit it, but Boil worried for the girl too. Fortunately her father was alive, but there was enough loss and ruin that he worried how long it would take for the kid's people to recover. She had been all smiles now, probably too young to fully understand what was going on, but that will change when she's older and the wounds inflicted today linger—or fester. 

He had the nonsensical feeling that he'd abandoned her. Boil berated himself for getting attached to the brat so quickly; perhaps it was out of his wish for a family of his own. He tried not to think about it. Waxer wouldn't desert, even for that, and Boil certainly wasn't going to start one with anyone else. He wouldn't know what to do with one, anyway. 

That kind of life wasn't for them; maybe they were too machine themselves at one point. Sometimes they were treated like that, troops thrown blindly at the enemy, fallen soldiers left where they fell. General Kenobi wasn't like that—that he'd seen—but he'd heard the horror stories. Some jedi seemed to forget that clones were not advanced androids. 

Boil heard an ankle pop and turned his head to meet Waxer's eyes. There was such concern there Boil felt a forceful twinge of guilt in his stomach. With an exaggerated roll of his eyes, he waved the other off. This bout of insomnia may linger for a few more days, but then he'll be able to get some decent shut-eye. 

When the other didn't immediately avert his gaze and get back to sleep, Boil broke character a bit and blew a kiss at him. Waxer was quick to look away then, a delicate flush covering his cheeks. Even after everything, he was still so sensitive to cheesy flirting. 

Boil's hand crept under his pillow and enclosed around a rock with a large, brilliant blue crystal embedded in it. It was technically against regulations to take anything from planet-side, but Boil couldn't bring himself to care. He knew Waxer would appreciate the gesture, and, well, they had so little time left as it was. Hopefully all of it was spent together and damn if that wish didn't make Boil feel childish and selfish.

He turned onto his side to watch Waxer drift back into the depths of slumber. He followed the other before the hour was out.

**Author's Note:**

> (I only recently started watching Star Wars: The Clone Wars and am going through the episodes in chronological order. No spoilers, please!)
> 
> This is just something stupid I thought of and figured there was no harm in writing. Thanks for reading it anyway! :) Please inform me of any errors I missed or anything that doesn't make sense, unless it's because something I said was refuted later on in the show.


End file.
